Richard

richard
Originally uploaded by therealjenmama

Richard with late night lullabies
soft gentle eyes
the friend of my old man
a good time on his night to tend
Richard with the curly locks
stole pictures after the doors locked
together we chased white lines
down dirty rabbit holes
some where in there
we went from friends to foes
Richard with the late night lullabies
soft gentle eyes
your forked tongue was always a miss
on my lips never able to land a kiss
where have the good times gone
what happened to your sweet sad songs
I miss your corduroy pants
and your awkward glance

prashna

prashna
Originally uploaded by therealjenmama

Sleep sleep my dear.

Mount up

You the sand in the road
You throw at me stones

Try to slow my pace
Place bruises on my face
There was a time when I feared to move
When I thought there was something you knew
Afraid of the ghost of flesh
Tried teaching me to cling to the past
Forced my hand to trace the shadow it cast
Here you are again
Convinced I am finally free
I look up you are standing before me
You don’t throw stones anymore
You are clever in your years
Now your target is my ears
Your careful words
Again my route you are trying to detour

Forget Pride

It is true I have no pride
So what kind of man make I?
I’ll surrender to gentle whims
And request from him

But gather around kind ears
I have some secrets to tell
Gather around skeptic heart
I have some secrets to spill

There are many things to get in the way
So many obstacles up ahead
Battles we will fight
We’ll loose more then we’ll win

Surrender is the strongest weapon in your armory
If you use it or not
Will determine the outcome
Pride will only slow you down
And trust me time counts

It happened

I grew tired of being less human
I just wanted to take you with me
How could this struggle have meaning
If I was only doing it for me
And the beginning looked like more of the same again
But now I wanted you to play the coal
While I played the flame

The prescription had set to far in
From where I was floating
It appeared you could not swim
And my unrequested instruction
Was only an imposition
I never meant to threaten
You wanted nothing to do with liberation

We were suffocating in our own possessions
We no longer were
We just had

Our necrophilia had some how seeped
Out of our dreams
Become a part of our needs
The way we devoured death quietly and together
In late night bedrooms and stained sheets
Looked like we knew what we were doing
But no one was watching

This was no longer about them
This was about you and me
Your name was Billy

Teeth

I can’t sink my teeth into this flesh anymore
My mouth opens wide with anticipation
I feel it reach and grab to hold onto something
I feel it’s hunger snap at the air
Push edges into softness
Pushing ridges into flesh
It is too hard to open my mouth this wide now
Its hunger is too strong
I can’t bite anymore
I can’t stand the joy of the flesh pressing hard into my teeth
And then its absence as it retreats
It’s the leaving
The pain
The emptiness
The teeth connect to the heart
The teeth connect to the heart
It’s in the teeth
The missing tooth is the secret
In the gap is the key
The teeth push the release
Pressure on the teeth open more then the mouth

The eyes are easy
I do not care for the eyes
The eyes are for the every one else
They hold no power over me
The eyes are easy to make lie
It’s a myth they are the windows to the soul
That’s only true if the soul is weak
For the eyes are weapons of disguise
For the complicated of heart
It’s not the eyes, it’s the teeth
To put fingers into mouth
To surrender flesh takes more will, more strength
Slip your hand, your skin, your flesh
To take what you have, what you need
To place it in the care of another who is made up of sharp edges

When all things slip back
Way back into the softness, the blackness
The darkness
The eyes are easy to make lie
The eyes long for attention
They need to be looked at to survive
Ah, but the teeth need to eat
So the teeth can lie too
There is no truth in the body

And the thoughts of these things make me shift in my chair
make my body retract and my blood pause in its path
the blood is expanding making my insides tighten
It is the fault of the teeth and the eyes
They are the ones who need so much
Their wanting pulls me from sleep at night
Their wanting pushing my body into another’s

The hands live so far from the heart and soul
They feel only for themselves
The hands are selfish and hold no allegiance to anyone
Fickle and prone to fits of fancy
Stupid fucking hands make empty promises
Hands, hands, hands
So quick to grab, so quick to let go
Hands, hands, hands
Why can’t you be more like the feet?

And the head hurts with knowledge of the details
The head is a danger to all
Cringe, cringe, cringe
The head doesn’t forget the details even if it tries
The body will remind it
Hands cling to soft, eyes seek the beauty, mouth craves the sweet
And this all gets reported to the poor head

And the fucking lips that form phrases that are not true
These ears, these god damned ears
They are trained
They are so simple and trainable the ears are dumb
They don’t know what they like or want
They can grow accustomed to myths and adjust

The mind will think up anything it can to execute its plan
The teeth must be a lie
And the mouth wants to taste something new
And the flesh wants hard not soft
And the ears want to be left alone

Fits of fancy
Fits of fancy
Fits of fancy
Fits of fancy
Until you can’t breathe anymore

"The Sand"

First I noticed the sand
That’s how I knew we were on the beach
There was bright sunlight
It came through the windows
Glistened on your hair and made
Your eyes shine brighter then I dreamed possible
Second I noticed sand
As it came into the house where we laid
When we first arrived I noticed it between my toes
So soft, I didn’t remember sand feeling like this
I would wake in the night wanting more
Through the dark and the cool summer breeze
I would find my way through each corridor
Until I placed my feet deep into its caress
Next I noticed the sand
Slowly it came into our life
When we once would lay in bed late at night
Talking about the sun and the sand
And how it warmed the skin between our toes
Now we woke in the middle of the night
We didn’t notice when it was at the front door
Took no mind to it taking rest on our kitchens first step
I couldn’t help noticing the as it clung to my bare skin in my sleep
No matter how many times I would rise
To brush off the sheets
There lingered the sand

"the waves"

The boys are the first to break
The men can hold on a bit longer
But the result is always the same
Sometimes you just got to push harder

The seaside reminds me of this
The dark clouds and a shower
The waves crash in to the mist
And the sands forgiveness is her power

So now I am back in the city again
But I can still hear the waves laughing
Forcing me to raise my voice
No one hears over their own asking

The boys might be the first to break
And the men they hold up a bit longer
The women are the first to yell
And the girls well they just cower

I don’t know why I have to see it so clear
Everyone else seems so much happier
If I could only just turn off the noise
And to disappear would be my power

Self Indulgence at its best

That went terribly wrong as it always does.

It’s the rotating cast that is giving me the spins
It is the change of costume and the same lines
That’s got me racing my mind

And there is no “you”
There is no “one” to change this
This is what there is
There is no secret door

Where did I get the idea there was
Where did I get such grand ideas?
So I moved and shook about a lot
Danced and shimmied

But the truth is this is it
Ill keep coming back to this conclusion over and over again
And each time it will feel new
And each time I will feel like a poet

There is going to come this new face or an old love
They will come and I will forget everything
Life will be brighter
Taste will be sweeter
Babies laugh will be song
I know this inevitable one will come

I know this like I know the truth at this moment
Because I am no different then the rest
Its is all on repeat
Of self indulgent possibilities
It is all on repeat
And we all need to believe

"The Lotus"

It is the early onset that is the most unnerving. I could find peace with it all perhaps if I had 50 years behind me with glorious memories. But, it is this early onset I have already arrived at. And the discouraged dishearten mood has taken up residence and I become fearful of the hands that are reaching out to touch me. For I know in time I will not remember them. But, I too am subject to it all and I forget as fast as I forget. So I reach to touch and grab again. Oh look at the dress move on her slim frame, oh the bare legs reaching down to the feet that touch the ground. Look at it all. I know I can do this her shoulders wouldn’t fit in my armpit like this if I was not to hold her. But, I forget so easy again.

The Lotus causes forgetfulness how can that be? The lotus is the forgetfulness and the whole time I thought it was I. Oh imbecilic vain me it must be about me. So what of the lotus of the beauty and its beautiful promises. It does everything but betray the heart. In the forgetfulness is the potential, the possibility, there in that first bite and release of what will come next. The opening of the clenched fist, the spread of the legs, the perfection of this beautiful flower, the beautiful pedals spread before you in this muddy murky wake of history. The run off of past lives pooled and the only environment that could spring forth such life such beauty. The forgetful lotus whose leaves are designed to never be touched by the rain, made to only be cleansed and rendered more beautiful. Until plucked by one brave and greedy hand, consumed and devoured for its beauty and of course forgotten.

the race is on

Oh this race is on
And the stakes are clear
Took the fun out of running
Might as well stay here

Never one to dance
With the lights on bright
Never one to love
Without the shade of night

Now the tables have turned
From where they once were
I stand corrected
From my abandoned fear

GRRRRRR

Lets get this started!


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